Somehow uncomfortable

I’ve been around and trying to get to know you for two weeks already.

Curiosity has taken control over me. I think I’ve never asked so many questions or observed so much. I’ve been trying to understand how you think, how you act… who you are.

I guess curiosity has also taken control over people here. I can´t walk on the street for 2min without having to answer a “hi!” back; or without listening an “I want to be your friend” just because I’m white! I can´t hide myself here; everyone can see me; everyone notices me!

I don´t want to be noticed. It’s like my privacy has been stolen…

I need to think about everything I say, everything I do, every movement I make – “Is it normal here?”; “Is it a tabu here?”; “Am I offending anyone by doing/saying this?” It’s like I cannot be spontaneous; it’s like I can´t do things without thinking; it’s like my mouth, legs, arms, hands are tight; it’s like I can´t be me…

I now understand that a big part of what we are is what surrounds us. But if what surrounds us is not there anymore then what are we?

1/08/2012