Am I back?

I’ve been back to Portugal for 3 weeks now and I could only write again today. Since the beginning of this experience, being back was the most uncomfortable experience of all.

As soon as I left the airport there were three lines of taxis. I just walked straight and approached one. When I reached the taxi driver he asked me “were you in the line?”. My immediate reaction was to say “Line? What line? Is there a line?”. He pointed to the line of people so I went to the end of it. At that moment I was feeling extremely frustrated because I didn´t understand why did we have to go to a line! There were more than 30 taxis there and there were only 5 people waiting. Why would we have to stand in a line?! Why would we need so much order?!

What I didn´t understand at that point in time was that I was still acting according to the society rules of Ghana. My body was in Lisbon, but my subconscious was still in Ghana.

I still remember my first impressions as soon as I left the airport: “Lisbon is way too quiet; there is too much order and structure. I don´t feel comfortable here…”. I felt like a strange in my own city; I felt like an animal that is put out of its habitat. I was expecting to feel this once I would arrive in Ghana, but I didn´t. It happened only when I arrived in Lisbon.

I slept for 12 hours and when I woke up, for some seconds, I didn’t understand where I was. After that I had a feeling that I still can´t put in words. Strange and weird do not fully explain the feeling. I felt like everything had been a dream – the people didn´t exist; I hadn´t really been there; all the things I had experienced were just a dream. How was it possible that in one moment I was in a place with certain social rules, type of people and environment and, only a few hours later I was in a completely different place, so different that it cannot be described in words? This feeling happens only when we wake up from a dream!

Yesterday I sent a facebook message to one of the volunteers, who just got back home, asking how it was to be back home. Her answer could not better describe what I also felt at the time:

"It's terrible! The first people I met were my parents and they were so happy to see me again, and I... hmm... I was not as happy as they were :p When I told them that I will for sure go back one day to Ghana and that I want to visit more countries in Africa they just coulnd´t understand. They didn´t understand how I could adapt to that life there so fast and that I didn´t feel like I spent holidays there but that I LIVED there.

And one day I was laying in my bed in the morning and listened to the Ghana music and then I had to cry... so strange...

And you know what I felt when I was driving the car?? I had the impression that there are so few cars in the streets and that the traffic is so boring! ahahha

Moreover, every time when I go to the toilet it feels strange throwing the toilet paper in the toilet instead of the bin! ahah

Today I arrived in my apartment in braunschweig and met my roommates and started to realize that the every-day-life has to start... but it's strange, really!

How are you doing? Did you adapt completely to Portugal?"

For some days I could only listen to Ghanaian music; only a few days ago I started to take hot showers; when I pay something, I still give the money with my right hand. I still don´t know what to answer when someone pops up the question “how was it?”…

I did learn a lot about Ghana and its people. But I definitely left Ghana knowing more about me, even if it means knowing what I don´t know and what I need to figure out. However, I somehow feel I’ve learnt something I’m still not aware of.

Thank you Ghana.

I’ll see you soon.

Constança

15/10/2012